PROBABILITY SCENE FROM THE SIMPSONS, AS TRANSCRIBED BY HOWARD PRESSBURGER


In front of the Hall of Probability at the Springfield Museum of Science.

Marge: Finally, actual science.

Bart and Lisa look down, crestfallen.

Inside the Hall, a Binomial Distribution machine drops balls which
form a bell curve, Bart and Lisa look unimpressed, they moan.

Homer: You did it baby, you promised no fun, and you delivered. (He
kisses Marge).

Cut to Bart and Lisa watching a video monitor showing "Take A Chance
On ... Probability!"

Video shows Paris, pans to open window, zoom in on a man.

Blaise Pascal: Ah, hello zere, I am Blaise Pascal, inventor of the
probability theory. What are the odds of meeting you here? (he flips
a coin) Excellent, I would say. (He winks).

Cut to Blaise standing in front of a newsstand with a sign saying
"Lottery tickets sold here". There is a squirrel wearing glasses and
a tie.

Blaise Pascal: My friend, Silly Squirrel, is about to buy a lottery
ticket. (He goes down on one knee and addresses him.) Silly Squirrel,
do you know the probability of winning the lottery?

Silly Squirrel looks quizzically up to Blaise.

Silly Squirrel: I dunno.

Blaise Pascal: Why, you are more likely to be run over by a car.

A car runs over Silly Squirrel, he gets up and adjusts his glasses.

Blaise Pascal: Or hit by lightning.

A cloud appears and Silly Squirrel is hit by lightning. He stands,
disheveled, the top of his head burnt.

Blaise Pascal: Or murdered by an acquaintance.

Another squirrel, in a hat and bow tie enters and shoots Silly
Squirrel in the chest. Silly Squirrel falls down, dead.

Blaise Pascal is now standing at Silly Squirrel's grave.

Blaise Pascal: If you understood probability, you would never play the
lottery. (He laughs).

Cut to Homer entering Moe's Tavern.

Homer (to Carl, Lenny and Moe): Guys, this science exhibit told me how
stupid it is to play the lottery.

Moe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, so you didn't buy our weekly ticket?

Homer: Are you nuts? You can't win if you don't play.